After playing phone tag for two days, Father and Daughter find a moment to talk. I spare the niceties of the beginning of their conversation, because they both know this is where it really starts: 

 

Father: I’d be concerned if you didn’t feel guilt.

 

Daughter, in theory: I was terrified and now I’m trying to apologize to you and that’s what you have to say to me? 

 

Daughter: That’s not what I mean.

 

Father: What do you mean, then?

 

Daughter: Fine, it’s what I mean. I crashed the car and no one got hurt and now all that’s left is a higher premium, and finals at school, and a whole lot of organizing to do to figure out how I’m going to move out (pause). I guess I’m just trying to say that I feel horrible because you already give me everything, but I’m also so overwhelmed and I’m trying to figure that out.

 

Father, in theory: Thank you for saying that. Are you still scared?

 

Father: I know but hey, that’s growing up.

 

Daughter: That doesn’t really make growing up sound appealing.

 

Father, in theory: Sorry, that came out harsher than I meant. I guess I don’t really know how to talk to you about this. You’ll be fine and trust me, it’s good that logistics are the primary concern here. But I do think it’s good for you to learn how to deal with stress like this. 

 

Father: I don’t know what to tell you.

 

Daughter, in theory: Tell me literally anything else. Like about how you’ve almost died in two accidents and that when I told you I was in one myself you were so scared that your whole entire body froze. 

 

Daughter: I know. I’ll figure it out. I think I’ll ask Sophia’s parents to store my things in their house for a few weeks. Just while I wait for the car to be fixed.

 

Daughter, in theory: He’s going to hate that suggestion. Relying on others is his biggest pet peeve. I don’t know why I do that. 

 

Father: Hm, ok.

 

Daughter: What?

 

Father, in theory: I think that’s a terrible idea. Why bring other people into this? I’ll help you figure it out on your own, I promise. There’s a better way and we’ll find it with time. 

 

Father: No, nothing (pause). That just isn’t the easiest option in my opinion.

 

Daughter: Ok, so what is?

 

Father: I just don’t know if you want to owe anyone any favors.

 

Father, in theory: I sound like my mother.

Daughter, in theory: You sound like your mother. 

 

Daughter: What are you talking about? Sophia came up with the idea and her parents really don’t seem to mind.

 

Father: It just complicates things. I remember when your brother stayed at Mara’s for weeks, it wasn’t good for their relationship. You just don’t want to be a burden. Keep things clean.

 

Daughter, in theory: Of course he’s making this a business deal. Keep things clean? 

 

Daughter: Dad, what? That’s just such a different situation. First of all, glad to know you think Sophia and I are walking on eggshells like they were when he went to Los Angeles. Just… so different. Second, her parents just do not mind. Different things bother different people. I know you and mom hate driving my friends and doing that kind of stuff. But Sophia’s parents just don’t.

 

Father: Ok. 

 

Daughter, in theory: Oh my god, I wish I could just shake you. Jesus, no wonder I don’t know how to experience anger. You aren’t letting me win in any way right now. I need your help and I need to stop feeling guilty and I need you to be less cold for one minute of your life. 

 

Daughter: Ok?

 

Father: Ok, you seem to know what you want to do.

 

Daughter: Don’t say it like that.

 

Father, in theory: I know I’m being cold, but this conversation is difficult.

 

Father: Listen, you messed up and you’re fixing it.

 

Daughter: Yes I am, and I told you I’d take the responsibility and pay the $500 for the damages.

 

Father, in theory: Can you tell me why you’re so set on giving me that money? I never asked you to do that. I’m happy you’re taking responsibility for this but maybe we can find a better way for you to do that.

 

Father: I mean, it’s going to be way more than that. I think they might just give us a check to replace the whole car.

 

Daughter, in theory: And was that supposed to make me feel better? Knowing that no matter how much of an effort I make it won’t make a real difference?

 

Daughter: I’m so sorry. I don’t think the damage was that bad though, right?

 

Father: From the photo you sent me it seems pretty bad. And sometimes there are just things you don’t see with car damages. It’s always worse than you think.

 

Daughter: Well that makes me feel better.

 

Father, in theory: You are so critical of me. I feel like I can’t say anything right with you.

 

Father: Don’t be so dramatic.

 

Daughter, in theory: And there’s the coldness again.

 

Daughter: Now I just feel more guilty.

 

Father, in theory: So I’ve done one more thing wrong?

 

Father: Listen, it’s fine.

 

Daughter, in theory: You’ve done a great job of showing me it’s fine. 

 

Daughter: Yes, well thanks for calling.

 

Father: I’ll call you soon.

 

Daughter, in theory: Wait, before you go just listen. I made a mistake. I wasn’t drunk or distracted. I made a mistake and the other driver was going too fast and this conversation could have not even happened because I could be in the hospital or dead. And I’m trying to do everything I can to make it up to you. But does this really have to do with my being spoiled? I’m pretty sure you should just be making sure I find a way to release the stress that hasn’t left my body yet. I’m pretty sure you should be showing me that you love me. But you don’t know how to do that, do you? You don’t know how to and I don’t know either. And I know I’m harsh with you. I don’t know why. I mean I do. I am angry at you. I have so much to say, but you give me no room to say it. I don’t know how to. And I want to talk. And talk and talk and yell and talk. But instead we do this. 

 

Daughter: Bye bye.

 

Father, in theory: I’m sorry that was a weird call. I’m still scared and I don’t know how to share that with you. I don’t know how to do this with you.

 

Father: Bye.