For a long time, Blanche’s mother did not understand the need for general practitioners. If her children got sick, they went to the doctor who signed the papers for summer camp. But then she heard about Dr. Lapin, a 60-something, short, blonde woman in the Upper East Side who specialized in teenage girls. Blanche was becoming a teenager, so her mother thought it could be nice for her to see Dr. Lapin. 

         During their first meeting, the doctor sat Blanche down and asked her all sorts of questions, like are you sexually active and have you gotten your period. No, and no. She then told Blanche to go into the bathroom, take her clothes off and put on a gown, and pee into a cup. Blanche never liked peeing into those cups because she often got some on her fingers and assumed no one else did. She also didn’t like that her pee made the cup warm. Reclining on the exam table, Blanche felt her breasts touched for the first time. She called her breasts “nipples attached to a torso.” Dr. Lapin’s cold and delicate fingers surprised Blanche’s body. 

At the end of the session, Blanche stood. The doctor measured her height and noted down her weight. She told Blanche to turn around and bend over. A silence, and then could you tell your mother to come in here? Opening the door and waving her mom in, Blanche thought nothing of her doctor’s request. I would recommend she go see an orthopedist to look at her back. It’s not my specialty but I think I may be seeing something.

         The orthopedist, a stoic yet charming WASP, told Blanche her spine looked like a reverse “S.” The top curve 60 degrees, the bottom 35. They wouldn’t touch the bottom because that would put her at risk of paralysis. He also told her she was too far along for a back brace and needed surgery, and that 20 years ago this same surgery would have made her bed-ridden for two to three years. Recovery now lasted three to six months, but she may need a rolling backpack in her first weeks of high school. Not a chance, Blanche thought. She cried and hugged her mother when she left his practice. When her friends saw tears in her eyes, they guessed she had cancer. 

         Blanche lost consciousness at number five when counting back from ten on the operating table. Her sister told her children easily wake up from anesthesia because doctors must be careful not to stop their breathing. Blanche grew two inches during her five-hour surgery.  

​

***

         Someone told Blanche that Pavlov drilled a hole in the dogs’ throats to collect their saliva. He didn’t just ring the bell and give them food but tortured them to get their drool in his test tubes. 

​

***

         During Blanche’s senior year of college, one of her teachers fixated on her. He sat next to her at a department dinner and asked her about her dating life. She still didn’t have boobs, but now wore things like vintage lingerie slips which highlighted her nipples and flat chest. Her teacher liked that. He enjoyed making comments about her during class, like nice shirt, is that star a communist star? Liking her shirt required him to look at that part of her body. She thought she liked it, having never been someone’s favorite student, but then he entered her dreams. 

Come in, her favorite professor shouted. She opened his office door and sat on the chair next to his. Almost immediately, she saw a hand placed on her thigh. She looked up and noticed her admirer had replaced her favorite teacher. He leaned in to kiss her. She flinched. Tell me you love me, he said once, twice, a third time, each with increasing urgency. Next, she sat in a classroom arranged in a circular shape. He walked around the circle, slowly, as he lectured, sometimes stopping behind her seat, and rubbing her shoulders. Other students looked at her, angry at the favoritism they witnessed.

         When she woke up, she printed her x-rays. She slid the one of her new back, fused, screwed, and straightened under his office door.